The darkness has come…
As I got in my car for my early morning drive to the Gym, I switched my lights on. What, wait, its August! A feeling of unease came over me, I discounted it. As I drove home the same evening at 9.30pm from hosting my Paint Party, I switched my lights on, then checked them as I expected the outlook to be brighter. Again, I felt unease and could hear my internal rant;
- I don’t want to drive in the dark! Where did that come from?
- We haven’t had a summer.
- We should have been sitting outside with a glass of wine at nine o’clock in the summer, that hasn’t happened.
- I haven’t sat in my garden at the end of my working day enjoying the evening sun on my face as I close my eyes and soak up the warm rays. The list went on!
I addressed my unease, I felt cheated and a little scared. No, surely not, why scared? I am not prone to anxiety and depression and yet I felt a fear, niggling away at me, saying I haven’t had my top up of sun shine; of freedom; of carefree relaxation the sun has always afforded me, I felt unprepared for the darkness to draw in.
I love the cosiness of the winter months, the time spent indoors snug in the warm looking forward to a good film or book, the dark has never bothered me before? Ahh but life has been different hasn’t it:
I have spent this year catching up on a year and a half of work, trying to make ends meet as we fell through the governments financial help cracks.
We haven’t been away to guaranteed sunshine and just stopped and relaxed because we couldn’t travel.
Every day trip and short break in England the rain has stopped play.
The grandchildren’s paddling pool, usually creating a pattern in the grass to my husband’s dismay, lays upside down waiting to be pumped up and used.
So! stop being a wuss, I have tons to be grateful for and I am, but the darkness is coming and somehow right now, I’m not prepared.